Blogging in my head

There are so many things I want to say here, stories to tell, memories from childhood that make so much more sense re-framed through the lens of my Asperger’s. Funny things, sad things, and just plain weird stuff. 

Ideas come to me all the time, as I drive to work, or am laying in bed trying to sleep, or sometimes while doing mundane chores… I am either writing blog posts in my head or composing things I’d like to paint. 

And I think “I’m going to go home and write this all down!”  But then after eight or more hours of stressful work (which more often than not often followed a bad night’s sleep)  and taking care of dinner for humans and pets, doing the things that need to be done around the house – usually in a state of stumbling exhaustion – and that’s it. I’m done. The bright shiny words and images that danced in my head have long since faded and so has the last of my energy. I sit in front of the TV like a zombie or scroll mindlessly on my phone for an hour or so and then I shamble off to bed. 

Lather, rinse, repeat. 

I used to fill every waking moment with things I loved – hiking, writing, painting, working on projects and crafts. Now I hoard my energy to get through my work week; that’s what pays the bills so it gets what little I have to give.  

Whatever is going on with my health is getting worse, but I am so done with doctors. I’ve gone round and round for a decade now and the only real breakthrough was my Asperger’s diagnosis, which I sought on my own. It feels like my world is just shrinking smaller and smaller as I am able to do less and less. I’m just so bloody tired. 

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4 thoughts on “Blogging in my head

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  1. “I used to fill every waking moment with things I loved – hiking, writing, painting, working on projects and crafts. Now I hoard my energy to get through my work week; that’s what pays the bills so it gets what little I have to give.”

    Yes!! This!! πŸ‘πŸΌπŸ‘πŸΌ. Sometimes I wonder where my life went, or at least my lust for it πŸ’œ

    Starting with the title, I saw so many elements of myself in this whole post. Thank you so much for writing this ❀️

    Cheers! ~The Silent Wave/Laina 🌟🌟

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      1. (Selfishly speaking,) I’m so glad you didn’t 😊. I admire your honesty and forthrightness. Your words really do resonate, and I find comfort in them. You definitely have a good way with them πŸ’–

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I blog so many more things in my head, too. Even when I have time, I often don’t have the right kind of energy for writing after I’ve had a busy day (or week). So this definitely resonated – but I hope you find something that helps with the health issues. It sucks when you don’t know what’s going on and there isn’t anyone you think could help anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

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