Squirrel! 

Some months back, I was prescribed Adderall for my daytime drowsiness since the ProVigil didn’t really work for me, and also to see if it helped with my executive function issues. Both my therapist and psychiatrist feel that I fit the criteria for ADD as well as Autism; I’m not sure I agree, because, I would think that being horribly sleep deprived for a decade and also battling #autburnout is enough to destroy my ability to focus – I still question the narcolepsy diagnosis sometimes, for the same reason, but I’m trying to keep an open mind about it.

I do have several close family members who have been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD (mother, sister, nephew) and maybe it’s just that I am resistant to adding yet another stigmatizing diagnosis. Anyway, whether I have the prescription because I have narcolepsy, or ADD, or just simply am exhausted from years of masking, the result is the same, I guess.

My recent escalating issues with tachycardia meant that my doctor wanted me to go off the Adderall until we got to the bottom of that issue, and since I only take it 3-4 days a week (and it didn’t do a great deal for me anyway) that hasn’t been a big deal. It’s been almost a month since I have taken it, and my therapist and I were discussing that recently. He was asking about how it has affected my executive function not to be taking it, and I was in the midst of explaining pretty much what I just said here.

He has a big picture window in his office, overlooking a tree-edged parking lot, that is right behind him when I sit facing him. This has caused me some issues before.

Me: “…so anyway, I really don’t notice much difference and wow that’s a really big groundhog that just ran across your parking lot! I’ll be you thought I was going to say squirrel, didn’t you, and see, I have no issues with being able to carry on a conversation and deal with a distraction at the same time, I can just…uh…continue right where I …um…”

A few seconds of awkward silence…

Me: “OK, fine. I give up. What were we talking about?”

Therapist: “How you don’t need Adderall.”

Me: “The irony of this conversation is not lost on me.”

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