This morning I destroyed the kitchen.

Even though I didn’t sleep too terribly badly last night, I still woke up feeling fatigued, and I was just sort of plodding through my morning tasks in a fog. I got the dogs fed, poured the coffee, and then moved on to the prep for my morning smoothie.

The usual steps are to plug in the blender, add first the frozen ingredients, (fruit, and sometimes vegetables like beets or green beans) then the leafy greens, then the powdered ingredients, and lastly the liquids. Then I put the lid on, power on the blender and set it to pulse, and alternate between ‘food processor’ and ‘chop’ settings until it no longer sounds like I’m trying to grind up rocks. 

I do it in that order for a reason, worked out by trial and error; the hardest to chop things go at the bottom, pinned down by the greens, and then the liquids wet down the powders, which would either stick to the sides or make a dust plume if I changed up the order. 

Speaking of changing the order, though, apparently my brain short-circuited and went right from the ‘frozen fruit’ step to the ‘turn the blender on and hit the food processor button’ step this morning…

It was like detonating a berry bomb. I just stood there, frozen (no pun intended) and trying to comprehend why I was suddenly in the center of a frosty fruit tornado. After several seconds, my brain finally engaged enough to hit the ‘off’ button. A few more slushy fragments rained down around me, then there was ominous silence.

I did not lose my shit, but this may be because I was too foggy. I just flicked some pureed blueberry off the end of my nose, stood there silently for a moment or two, and then quietly said, “well, then.”

My partner wordlessly helped me clean up the mess, which made me feel bad because she still had her own breakfast and lunch to make, and she’s always having to help deal with my disasters. I tried to make chit chat to cover my awkwardness: “hey, did you know that chlorophyll and hemoglobin are almost identical, structurally? Isn’t that neat? The only difference is that hemoglobin is built around iron, and chlorophyll is built around magnesium. So it’s kind of like plant blood and… uh…” 

I looked around me at the red gore splatters running down the walls and went back to silently scrubbing the floor. 

There’s a reason Aspies aren’t generally known for their small talk skills. 😀

Featured Image: Exploding fireworks with a pink cast to the image. 


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