So it’s Saturday, my partner is working and I have the day off, and I’ve been adding to my ToDoIst list of chores and tasks for me to do today all week. The weather looks like it is going to be nice and I have the whole day ahead of me to catch up on all the things that slip past me over time…
…Except I didn’t sleep well and woke up with a really bad headache. I always wake up with a headache nowadays, but it usually fades once I am up and around for a bit. Not today. Two cups of coffee, a heavy duty electrolyte drink with lots of water, more salty water, no relief. To make matters worse, I am so foggy and stupid it’s like everything is in slow motion around me.
I’m faced with the choice of either sitting here like a lump and wasting the day, or trying what I can to get rid of the headache and the cobwebs. Excedrine? Go the nuclear route and take an Adderall? Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn’t, and I almost always regret having taken it by the end of the day.
My mom, who is diagnosed with ADHD, has described when she started Ritalin as “all of a sudden things made sense” and she could think. She picked up an auto repair manual that she’d tried to read before but couldn’t understand, marched outside, and fixed something on her truck. My therapist believes that I also have ADHD in addition to my ASD, but I’m not so sure. I don’t get the effect from the Adderall that you are supposed to when it’s used to treat ADD: mostly I am still unfocused and scattered, just faster. In fact, it can make my executive function issues worse; it causes anxiety because it makes me more aware that I am spinning my wheels, but all I can do is spin them harder.
I actually had some days this week where I was sharp as a tack, and I got a ton of shit done at work as a result. Maybe this is just the backlash from pushing myself so hard. I think I will make some more coffee and read for a little while, see if the clouds clear.
Of all the symptoms I deal with, I hate the brain fog the most.
Featured Image: fog hanging low over an evergreen forest. No filter as far as I know – this is one of the free images WordPress recently made available. I know I have some pictures of fog somewhere that I have taken, but (ironically?) I am too foggy to look for one, so I took the easy way out. 😉